GIR, Dark Lord of Middle Earth
by Sky the Hellsing fanboy
Summary: An old fic from my old account, Darth Marik, which I found laying around with only 6 chapters completed and decided to finish. Zim and co. get transported to Midde Earth and (as is always the case with Zim) chaos ensues!
1. Chapter 1

(A/N: I do not own Lord of the Rings or Invader Zim, but it would be reeeally cool if i did *large grin*)  
  
Chapter 1:  
  
Zim is in his lab, modifying his failed space-time object transporter device to be a dimensional warp gate. GIR, thankful that the days of having to throw his precious rubber piggies into the temporal vortex are finally over, is in the kitchen making biscuits  
  
Zim: GIR! Get down here!  
  
GIR: *dives into the trash can in the kitchen and falls down the elevator shaft to the lab, landing at Zim's feet. His eyes go all red* Yes, my master!  
  
Zim: *paces around the room and begins speaking in an official tone* I'm about to go through the dimensional transporter, GIR. Needless to say it will be very dangerous, so I will be taking the Megadoomer destroyer mech with me. I'll need you to come along and plug me in.  
  
GIR: do we have to leave now? I wanna watch the scary monkey show!  
  
Zim: *whips out Irken disintegrator pistol and disintegrates the tv*  
  
GIR: *cries*  
  
Zim: when we come back, i'll take you to Krazy Taco!  
  
GIR: *instantly stops crying* wooooo! missionmissionmission! *runs into a wall*  
  
Zim: *sighs* come along, GIR *climbs into the huge mech* Now GIR! Open the portal!  
  
*The Megadoomer disappears into the dimensional transporter with GIR following, carrying a large amount of extension cord*  
  
Zim: Where are we? *looks around the cozy little village they have transported into. Several small humanoid creatures are out working in the fields*  
  
Merry: my god pippin what is that?!?!?!  
  
Pippin: It's one of Sauron's secret weapons!! AAAAHHH! *rolls around in the field* it's coming for me!!  
  
Other hobbits in field: -.-;;  
  
Zim: Quickly GIR, we've been spotted! Plug me in!  
  
GIR: *searches frantically for a plug and when he can't find one sticks the end of the cord in the ground* there!  
  
Zim: i'm invisible now?  
  
GIR: *thinks for a long time* ya!  
  
Frodo: *walks up* what manner of strange creatures are you?  
  
GIR: taco! *deranged grin*  
  
Zim: GIR, you said we were invisible!!!!!  
  
GIR: um...........oops *shrug*  
  
Zim: rrgh...oh well *hops down off the megadoomer* I am Zim, Irken Invader. What might you be?  
  
Frodo: I'm a hobbit. My name's Frodo, and these are my friends Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took, and - *fat hobbit carrying backpacks walks up behind them* - this is Samwise Gamgee.  
  
Sam: Mr. Frodo, we really must be going. Gandalf said they would be coming for us, remember?  
  
GIR: leaving? now? but i made biscuits! *on the verge of tears*  
  
Zim: sheesh GIR calm down *turns back to Frodo* why exactly are you leaving?  
  
Pippin: There are black riders after us and when the find us they're gonna kill us and give out our internal organs as party favors!  
  
Zim: *long pause* kaayyy. Well, you seem in need of protection, and as i am stuck in this world of you frolicking dirt-people until i figure out how to get out then it seems the right thing to do to look after you weak filthy stink...things.  
  
Gir: doomy doomy doomy!!!  
  
Frodo: I think you need to have your dog checked over o_0  
  
Zim: ya, i think so too... 


	2. Chapter 2

So begins the next chapter of our epic tale! Zim and GIR are following the hobbits...  
  
GIR: Are we there yet?  
  
Frodo: no...  
  
GIR: Are we there yet?  
  
Frodo: no...  
  
GIR: Are we there yet?  
  
Zim: SHUT UP!!!  
  
Merry, Pippin, and Sam: *stares*  
  
Zim: *points to Sam* You! fat lolligagging one! Where are we?  
  
Sam: We just left the Shire, sir  
  
Zim: DO NOT ADDRESS ME AS SIR!!! I AM TAKING PITY ON YOU AND I AM REPAID WITH INSULTS???HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY MY IRON FIST!!!!!!!  
  
Sam: what did i do...?  
  
Frodo: We're heading to Bree to meet up with a friend of ours  
  
Zim: and who might this "friend" be  
  
Pippin: his name's Gandalf. He's a wizard, and he has the most amazing firecrackers in all Middle-Earth!!!  
  
Frodo: *hits Pippin* we're not supposed to tell people that!  
  
Pippin: what...that he has great firecrackers?  
  
Frodo: no! we're supposed to be undercover!!  
  
Pippin: You make it sound like such a big deal that you have the Sauron's ring and the whole of his army is after you and if Sauron gets the ring back then we're all doomed...oops...shouldn't have said that, should I?  
  
GIR: Yay, we're doomed!  
  
Zim: what would anyone want with a frivilous piece of jewelry?  
  
Frodo: Gandalf says that the ring would give Sauron the power to take over Middle-Earth  
  
Sam: this is all very fun but may I remind you the sooner we get a move on the sooner we can find Mr. Gandalf and be over with this whole mess *walks ahead with the rest of the group following*  
  
Merry: Wish we had some tea to go with these biscuits, eh Pippin?  
  
Frodo: *kicks Merry*  
  
Zim: (thinking to himself) According to the short one, this ring can bring doom down upon everything! If I acquire this ring, the destruction of earth would be easy! My newfound power might enable me to even take over the whole Irken Empire *zim has a mental image of himself standing among a burning Conventia, with the Tallest cowering at his feet*  
  
The scene shifts to Dib's house...  
  
Gaz: DIB!!! YOU DRANK ALL THE SODA AGAIN!!!!!!!!  
  
Dib: I was tracking an alien starship on the roof last night. I needed the caffeine for energy.  
  
Gaz: you think you own all the soda...rrrrgh GO OUT AND BUY MORE  
  
Dib: but Mysterious Mysteries is on...  
  
Gaz: *grabs Dib and drop-kicks him out the door* GO BUY MORE SODA!!!!  
  
Dib: ok ok sheesh *gets up off the sidewalks* Gaz needs serious help...i think she's been playing that GS2 too much again *as he walks toward the store he notices Zim's house is right on the way* maybe i'll stop in for a bit of spying *slinks past the lawn gnomes and opens the door, waiting for the sound of the intruder alarms. After a few minutes of silence he goes into the house and down into the labs. He realizes that by some freak occasion Zim is gone and he's deactivated the security alarms* GAZ!!! GAZ!!!!! *runs back to his house* you won't believe it!!!! Zim is gone!! and he was actually stupid enough the leave the security systems off!!!! Where's my camera? Now is the perfect opportunity to expose him!!  
  
Gaz: You didn't get my soda, did you? 


	3. Chapter 3

In this chapter, Zim faces a daunting decision: go back and protect his secret identity, or secure ultimate power beyond his wildest dreams? Zim wakes up to the smell of wretched earth-food. the hobbits are stuffing their faces with breakfast  
  
Zim: *shudders* how do you eat that?  
  
Pippin: like this *eats more*  
  
Merry: Pippin, you're a pig  
  
Pippin: *snorts*  
  
Zim: the smell...  
  
GIR *holds a sausage in Zim's face* want some master?  
  
Zim: AAA! *dives behind a rock* GIR! you disgust me  
  
GIR: I like it...*misses his mouth and gets grease all over his head. finally after poking himself in the eye several times he gets it in his mouth*  
  
Zim: stay away from me...  
  
GIR: Aww, master's sad again. you need a hug!  
  
ZIM: nooooooooo! *runs away*  
  
Back to Dib...  
  
Dib: *suiting up for an expedition to Zim's house* i still can't believe it! this is the opportunity of a lifetime!!  
  
Gaz: I hope Zim finds you and performs horrifying experiments on you  
  
Dib: *ignores Gaz* lets see...camo jacket, check...  
  
Gaz: you're gonna be indoors, whats the point of blanding in with shrubbery?  
  
Dib...night vision goggles, check...  
  
Gaz: you're going in the daytime  
  
Dib: *looks under couch cushions* where's my swiss army utility pen i got from the CIA mail-order catalog?  
  
Gaz: *gets up and walks out of the room* i disassembled it and mailed each piece to a different country  
  
Dib: GAZ! how am i supposed to find all the pieces, then?  
  
Gaz: that's the point...you wont  
  
Dib: *mutters* little sisters...oh well i got my camera anda floppy disk to download all the stuff off his computer. see ya! *walks out the door but then sticks his head back in the room* if i'm not back in 2 hours call the number on that paper i gave you.  
  
Back in Middle-Earth, the gang is finishing packing up to start the day's journey. Everyone is ready except GIR. Zim goes back into the cave where they slept to figure out what's taking so long  
  
Zim: GIR! what are you doing!  
  
GIR: watchin scary monkey  
  
Zim: *blinks* huh?  
  
GIR: *shows Zim a little viewscreen he's watching it on*  
  
Zim: GIR! that's the screen i use to monitor the base while i'm away! *snatches it and flips some switches* i set the security cameras to feed to one of the channels, which one was it-aha! *the screen now shows various views of the base* well everything looks ok- wait...it's Dib! in my base! taking pictures with his horrible..picture..taker...thing.This is horrible!  
  
GIR: horrible's good right?  
  
Zim: no GIR, that's bad. rrgh, it would be just like Dib to throw a wrench into my plans. *sigh* I must defend the secrecy of the mission, no matter how great an opportunity i have here. GIR, i want you to use this to keep in touch with me *hands GIR the screen back* press this button here to call my personal video comlink. I want you to stay here and monitor these creatures on their quest. keep me updated *his survival backpack turns into a jetpack* i'm going to fly back to where we warped in from. if all went well with the shifting the portal should still be open. if i'm lucky the megadoomer will still be there as well *flies off*  
  
GIR: send a postcard *waves* 


	4. Chapter 4

In Zim's base...  
  
Dib: *is sitting at Zim's supercomputer. looks up at download progress bar* 76%! just a few more minutes and i'll have everything i need to expose him!  
  
Computer voice: *beep* dimensional warp vortex powering up  
  
Dib: what!?!? *runs over to the source of the noise in time to see the hulking form of the Megadoomer emerge from the portal. He dodges a volley of lasers and rockets from the mech and runs for the door only to discover it's locked*  
  
Zim: stupid human! I laugh at your pitiful attempt at fleeing your inevitable doom! Here I go: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Now, Dib *aims multiple gunsights at his head* this ends *fires*  
  
Dib: *under cover of gunsmoke he desperately jumps into the overhead air shaft and begins crawling away*  
  
Zim: mwahahahaha (*the smoke clears*) huh???? Where are the bloodstains on the walls? *notices the open ventilation grate* he escaped again?!?! *fires two homing missiles up the air shaft and dons a gas mask* computer! Release sleeping gas through the ventilation system! I want the earth boy found!  
  
Dib: *a dim light shines through the grate in the distance* the exit! wait, what's that hissing sound? *looks behind him and sees the rapidly approaching cloud of green gas* is that the best you can do, Zim? *rips open a panel in the shaft and flips a few switches. air from the outside rushes to drive back the gas cloud. Dib is too busy congratulating sound to notice the mechanized whine of the homing missiles* AAAAA!! *dives down a nearby shaft and falls into the kitchen, then runs for the door, pushing the roboparents out of the way, and continues running down the street to his house*  
  
Zim: *watches Dib escape on the security camera screens* you win this round, stinking earth creature, but be warned. soon i will have enough power to destroy you once and for all...  
  
At Dib's house..  
  
Dib: *comes bursting through the door and locks it behind him, gasping for breath*  
  
Gaz: what now?  
  
Dib: Zim...trying to kill me...dimensional warp...*collapses on the floor*  
  
Gaz: *walks over and kicks him*  
  
Dib: *gets up* hey, wait a sec! that GIR thing he's always yelling at? it wasn't there with him! I bet it was through that dimensional warp gate*runs to his dad's lab and starts searching it*  
  
Gaz: you're going back after he almost killed you?psycho...hey, why am i complaining? Dib's doomed!  
  
Dib: i have to sneak into that warp portal and find that robot. then i can capture him and get him to tell me everything! *keeps looking through stuff* there's got to be something in here that will help me *looks a while longer then exits the room with a large amount of junk in his arms and stuffs it into a backpack* dunno how long i'll be gone. if dad asks where i am, tell him i'm at a friend's house *rushes out the door with the backpack slung over one shoulder*  
  
In front of Zim's house...  
  
Dib: *takes a gas mask and a long coil of nylon rope out from the backpack, puts the mask on, and puts the rope on his shoulder. he picks up a rock, tosses it at the side fence, and is rewarded with a dull thud. while all the gnomes are looking to see where the sound came from, he slinks past and crawls through the window, half expecting Zim to see him and vaporize him, but to his relief, there's no sign of Zim. He takes the grappling hook rope from off his shoulder and throws it up into the tangle of cables in the ceiling. It latches on to something and Dib wastes no time getting to the top. just as he finishes pulling the rope up behind him, Zim rises from the toilet-elevator in the kitchen and walks out the door, muttering "time to go spy on Dib!". Dib smiles evilly as he takes out his magnetic gloves and boots and begins crawling toward the kitchen ceiling. After positioning himself above the trash can elevator, he secures the rope above it and zips down into the elevator shaft. Tightening hs grip on the rope to stop himself, he pauses at a floor in which something inside is emitting a loud humming sound. he looks through the ventilation grate and sees the portal. AFter a brief struggle trying to get the grate open, he pushes himself through the hole where the grate was and takes a quick look at the destination screen before diving into the warp vortex* 


	5. Chapter 5

At Gaz and Dib's house...  
  
Gaz: *is sitting in the living room drawing a picture of Bloaty the Pizza Hog*  
  
Zim: *rappels down the chimney and creeps toward Dib's room from behind Gaz's back*  
  
Gaz: get out of my house, Zim.  
  
Zim: *freezes in mid-step* Gah! I've been spotted! *dives into the next room*  
  
Gaz: *walks to her room and retrieves her baseball bat, then walks toward Zim with the bat raised over her head* Get out of my house, Zim, or face my wrath  
  
Zim: *the little spider-leg things pop out of the pod on his back so he towers above Gaz* Where is your brother, earth girl?  
  
Gaz: he's at your house trying to spy on you. Can i kill you now?  
  
Zim: no, you can't- hey wait! Dib, in my base!?!?!AAAHH! *switches his pod to jetpack mode and flies home at top speed*  
  
Back at the transporter room...  
  
Zim: RRGH!!Dib used my transporter to get to Middle-Earth! i better warn GIR *takes out his little screen and calls GIR on it* GIR!  
  
GIR: *his image appears on the little screen* hi master!  
  
Zim: the Dib human is on his way to try and put a stop to the mission! you must not let that happen!  
  
GIR: *eyes go red and salutes* yes sir!  
  
Zim: i'll try to find Dib before he gets to you. Zim out *clicks off the screen, gets his invader gear, and goes through the warp gate*  
  
Meanwhile at the Prancing Pony Inn..  
  
Pippin: Merry, what's that?  
  
Merry: This, Pippin, is a pint!  
  
Pippin: 0_0 they come in pints?!? *gets up* im getting one!  
  
Frodo: *looks worried*  
  
Samwise: don't worry Mr. Frodo, no one knows we're here  
  
Pippin: *at the bar* why sure, i know a Baggins. He's right over there.  
  
GIR: *returns from the bar carrying an armful of 'pints' and starts drinking them*  
  
Frodo: hide! *pulls GIR and the hobbits under the table and runs toward Pippin, but is tripped. the ring flies from his pocket, but he manages to catch it on his finger, making him disappear*  
  
GIR: where are you?? *looks around confused and trips over the invisible Frodo*  
  
Aragorn: *runs over and grabs GIR and the hobbits then takes them up to a room* you best keep that ring hidden, frodo. I warn you, that is no trinket you carry  
  
Frodo: What do you want with us?  
  
Aragorn: Do i frighten you, frodo baggins? *pulls out his sword*  
  
GIR: oooo it's shiny *clings to blade*  
  
Aragorn: *shakes the sword around, trying to get GIR to let go. finally GIR does let go and Aragorn puts the sword back in its scabbard* Now let's get to sleep. We have a long journey ahead of us  
  
(A/N: i know i'm gonna get at least one review saying i screwed up the lines, but oh well. its not like i memorized the entire movie, unlike some people i know *pokes noitol*) 


	6. Chapter 6

At dusk in Middle-Earth, somewhere above the village of Bree. Zim, with his jetpack, is flying aimlessly overhead, trying to scan for Dib through the microchip transmitter he put inside Dib while he was deleting knowledge from Dib's brain in his microscopic nanoship.  
  
Zim: *faint red dot appears at the farthest edge of the scanner screen* Success! Computer, show me Dib's proximity to GIR. *blue dot appears on the screen, very close to Dib's dot* oh no! *takes out video comlink thingy* GIR!  
  
GIR: yes master?  
  
Zim: the earth boy is very close! be on your guard! now let me speak to the hobbit-thing!  
  
GIR: *hands his video screen to Frodo*  
  
Frodo: yes?  
  
Zim: where are you?!?!  
  
Frodo: on a hill called Weathertop. it's got a bunch of ruins on top, you can't miss it- uh oh  
  
Zim: what? what is it!?!? *evidently Frodo has dropped his end of the video comlink because the view on Zim's screen whirls around and he finds himself looking up from the feet of a Nazgul standing over what must have been to him some dangerous form of magic. Zim watches in horror as the Nazgul draws his sword and prepares to confront his tiny foe. A flash of silver from the blade appears on Zim's screen before it goes static* Noo!! if whatever that was destroyed the other comlink then how am i supposed to contact GIR!?! grrrr!!! I must find them! *flies off*  
  
We rejoin our "heroes" as they are racing to cross the river to Rivendell. Arwen/Glorfindel (take your pick) is in front with Frodo wth the Nazgul in pursuit and GIR flying alongside them.  
  
GIR: *latches onto the face of one of the Nazgul* HI!!!  
  
Nazgul: *accidently rides into a tree*  
  
GIR: *flies back to Frodo and starts shoving advil down his throat* BE BETTER!!!  
  
Dib: *jumps out of the bushes ahead of the riders and stands in their path* Surrender the robot, or feel the power of my laser! *pulls out a laser gun and holds down the trigger. after noticing that nothing's happening he looks down the barrel* Hey, this isn't even a laser! it's a little light bulb that blinks! AAAH! *dives out of the way to avoid being trampled by horses and grabs GIR off the horse as he passes* now prepare to meet my andriod stun cuffs!  
  
GIR: *looks at the handcuffs around his wrist* I got chocolate bubblegum!  
  
Zim: *comes up behind them* nice try, Dib, but GIR is too stupid for your tricks.  
  
Dib: fine then, i'll just get my alien stun cuffs and capture you instead! wait a minute, where are my stun cuffs?  
  
GIR: *is eating them*  
  
Dib: nooo! well at least i have backup. Cower before my disintegrator pistol! *has a mental image of Zim as a pile of dust with contacts and a wig. he pulls the trigger and the pistol disintegrates* Jeez, does dad have any guns that actually SHOOT?!?  
  
Zim: *lunges at Dib*  
  
Dib: *sidesteps and watches Zim run into the river*  
  
Zim: *wisps of smoke start to rise from Zim's skin* EEEEEEEE!! *rolls around in pain and is tramples by water-horses*  
  
Cliffhanger! ha-ha now you have to wait until i decide to post the next chapter for you to find out what happens! mwahahahaha 


End file.
